In response to Sexual Harassment Questions

asked by Meghan Casserly, FORBESWOMAN On Sexual Harassment: Hey Ladies, Man Up! Dec. 10 2010 - 3:38 pm

 

 

Do you think you’ve been primed to think you’re being sexually harassed by every man who treats you poorly?

Yes, pertaining to the workplace, I believe women are being primed from a very young age. A sample is we are told from that if a little boy pulls our hair, it’s because he likes us (interested in us). Later these beliefs stay within our “caution boundary”

Is it fair to say that women wanted to be treated equally?

Yes, when women’s liberation started out, it was the intention of women to be thought of as equal citizens, equally lawful and abiding with equal say our communities, we demanded respect and set out to prove capabilities to meet these demands.

If that means putting up with questionable or uncomfortable language, do you still want it?

Yes, to some degree we expect to put up with questionable or uncomfortable language, we have to know when to let it roll and when to keep our “class”. In general no, but in certain settings it’s expected. (Chosen occupations) We want men to meet us half way and put up with our questionable and uncomfortable behavior too.

As a prior Army Sergeant and I learned to balance “field talk” and corporate “talk”. In order to get to balance or equalization there needs to be a compromise.

In an Industrial setting, If I were a civilian and in the work place, let’s say construction, then yes as a women I should expect to hear foul language and sometimes in appropriate comments. After all, if a woman works in the industrial trades, she will constantly be making sexual innuendos because most tools and equipment are in some way shape or form a Freudian slip or can be perceived as an innuendo. A woman would have to clearly understand just how her co-workers will perceive the way she speaks, moves and her expressions will dictate how the listener will perceive. It is her job to ensure that her counterparts are clear on her position if an uninvited sexual advance should occur. Typically, a woman will need to work harder to keep up with her male counterparts only if she has a physical limitation. Comments about her physic from colleges can be misconstrued as sexual in nature, so it depends on the intent and perception, of the listener and receiver. Where the comments are taken place, what setting, what triggered it and so forth.

In a corporate setting …All employees should be treated equally based on performance of capacity in their current role, remembering that performance is relative. A man who does not have children will appear to work longer hours, and regularly, while a single mother in the same position may appear to work less hours or untraditional hours. The question is can they both turn in the same work? If not, Why? Did the manager offer training equally to both employees, did either employee refuse training, which employee is more determined to succeed, which employee has longevity? Men need to come half way and women need to come half way as far as behavioral expectations. In my opinion, in today’s day and age the man –vs- woman point is mute; it should be from a manager-employee perspective. Meaning that there are behaviors’ that are appropriate for a manager, as well as an employee. Any manager who hinders diversity and inclusion should be met with severe repercussions, which should be related to work place rules.

Or would you rather be treated like a lady? Yes, an intelligent lady. Why not? I am a lady or woman; it’s a sign of respect to mind manners.

And if so—what does that mean for women’s lib?

My belief is that Womans lib is a mute point. Employees and employers need to understand that broken homes are at the frontier of today’s family. If corporations want to continue to compete in the United State they need to be able to provide the services for the si9ngle parent family, whether that is a man or a woman. Both genders are experiencing the same difficulties in raising offspring as individuals, and let’s face it men! That’s the real problem women have in the workplace, its balancing family and work without guilt or failure in either direction and usually without the support of management or the corporation itself.

Womans lib has nothing to do with Manners. I believe it to be thought of as equal citizens, equally lawful and abiding with equal say our communities, we demanded respect and set out to prove capabilities to meet these demands.  People need to be aware they are sharing the workplace and considerations need to be made, this is why we are civilized people. Without order and rules equal for both, mayhem and abuse ensues.  

On the contrary , ironically, the uprising of women in the work place has inadvertently created a lot of lazy men.

My Trip to the Department of Human Services Ruffin Road, San Diego , Ca. 92124

So far, my most memorable trip was to the Department of Human Services off Ruffin Road San Diego.   As I walked into the very familiar setting of people sitting in all the “chair desks” strollers about and another long line.  It is 8:30 am and I was hoping to have beat the crowds to the lines, NOT, it’s abnormally crowded. 

One thing I am glad about , or should be nervous about is so far there are no long lines of families waiting for the H1N1 shots.  Other peoples germs sort of freak me out.

Anyway, as usual the place is crowded and I get in line and an old dirty guy falls in right behind me.  I’m not feeling patient today, I feel like this guy is hovering, only one person behind the counter seems to be moving in a semi coherent fashion. I am trying not to get annoyed by the smell wafting in my direction. Bad breath and sweat, yuk.

A lady emerges from the back, and boldly and loudly announces that their computer systems are slow today, they are short staffed, and they appreciate our cooperation during these tough economic times…

There was a hush across the room, and when she finished speaking, a loud chatter began.  One by one people began to approach a side area with issues. I was beginning to feel a panic attack coming on;my hands grew cold.  I could see the agitation in the room,I could feel it.  I assessed the situation and determined every families ethnic origin and every persons probable story during my 35 min wait . (only 8 people in front of me)  Just as I get to a window with an attendant , they open three more windows.

I told the lady that my landlord has thrown us out (recent lack of ability to pay rent) we are homeless, and temporarily displaced. I told her we needed food stamp, and whatever else they have to help us back up. I was asked to sit, wait for my name to be called and fill out the papers. not much else could be answered at this station.

She asked me to complete many forms on paper, The children's personal information, mine, Social numbers, bank accounts,  I sat and competed many  many forms. It took about 20 minutes. I heard my name called and met with a counselor , she spoke little English, well maybe she spoke English but it was not clear, I had a difficulty understanding her , but I did understand that she was going to expedite my request and get us immediate help.  The food stamp would be loaded and available because we were in immediate need, All I had to do was attend all of the orientations.  Each 15 min long , next showing 30 min’s. Corny  videos completed.

We are two hours into this process and I’m getting hungry , not a drop of food , hot tea, coffee, or something to sooth the tension in this room. It’s stuffy and as usual there is a baby and a little brother in the strollers making it harder on a mom to take care of her business. While I will admit some are very cute, in these situations it’s never fun to be with mom , the tension is thick.

My name was called for fingerprinting while I was in with the councilor so I had to wait again, in front of fingerprinting, but it was full. I went to ask a counter person for extra help and I was dismissed. Mind you I am wearing sweat pants and a Military PT sweatshirt with US ARMY written on the front a Patch  over my heart.  I am a veteran,  but I am dismissed? I walk back to the open floor, as I do an interpreter, with 7 Farsi speaking people, a family, asks for a line jump in fingerprinting because they need expedited service.   They went in front of me, I was not happy anymore , I was hungry and insulted. whether or not I had a right to determine that my need was greater than theirs didn’t matter. All that matter was all of the programing in my mind which shows where foreigners are getting better service than Vets, and citizens. That’s what rushed across my mind, and I was hungry.

Finally finger printed and after receiving my EBT card, I thought I was good to go. I walked outside and was greeted by the dirty old guy , he talk to me and as we talk we saw the Farsi people come out from the building , they get into a parked shinny black Mercedes ??? no kidding??  

I got home only to find out that I did not receive expedited services no food stamps , no cash aid. our electric was shut off, we sat in the dark for two weeks. 

I personally find their process unorganized, and not client friendly. Why cant we have computer stations where we could all go to online help desk, Skype services, and other newer age communication and database warehousing.

Completely unorganized and miserable experience.

In there defense , since my last visit, a new computer system has been implemented. It is designed to help you with the process to apply for food stamp (SNAP)  I have to say that they did get it together just few weeks ago and it is wonderful, HINT even if  their program on line says you would not qualify  please continue with the form, and submit it.  This is the only serve we as citizens should have to file. Once we have come to this location , our information should be distributed to out reach resources of our choice. I will explain this in my next blog about Inter faith Services , Catholic Charities, and Jewish Family Services.

Pamela Sorrentino

Hey San Diego ! Need help? Dial 211?

211

While dialing 211 is the new way to ask the city where to find help, actually receiving help is another issue.

One thing that really burns me up, and trips my trigger, is when a person walks into a place looking for help, like a social service or a hospital or food service, and being told that there is no service available. 

Another thing is the fact that all of these non profits can form to mostly offer referrals to places. 

Each place has their own specific intake, evaluations, councilors, and orientation.  As a person who needs help, just how much time do you think it takes to research each of the numbers provided from the 211 outreach? Well I will tell you, I have hit several of the services, domestic violence hotline, food services, and I will report on each experience over the next few weeks.

I will try my best not to be bias,and I will give each service a fair shot.

But still I wonder, when I head down to The San Diego Department of Human Services over there on Ruffin Road, San Diego, why isn't my information placed into a central database, where all of the places who can help can just adopt us?  Why must we search backwards, giving  our names and personal information, over and over and over again.  We wait for hours to be seen, sitting through orientation just to hear at the end that there are no funds? Even worse, there is rarely a snack offered while we wait in these offices. Has the city lost it’s minds?  Doesn’t anyone understand that when a person comes for help they are in a crisis?

So, stay tuned as I explore with San Diego, our human service organizations who are supposed to be here to help, but actually the majority of what they do is offer referrals.

Someone please help us lower class people understand why we need to use our last bus token to get to a place that knows they are out of money, I think its rude.

I would like to see our nation recognizing the last 6 years of a child's growth towards college is just as important as the, after all if we teach them well, the first five and then ignore them while we work like dowgs, when they are teens what difference would the first five make if we cant get them out the door later. This issue will be another blog later….

All- in-all, the San Diego 211 system is looking pretty darn good, their referrals are accurate and there representatives are very compassionate. Use the 211 service for all of your questions regarding where to find help.

mvm

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